Undercover Lovers
by Zero Is Plural
Summary: Dumbledore has hatched ANOTHER evil plot to torture his students, namely Draco and Hermione, and the term “interhouse relations” takes on a whole new meaning. [Dramione]
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own the HP characters, blah blah blah. You all know the drill.

Author's Note: I haven't been on the site in…oh…forever. But now that I'm back, plot bunnies have been attacking my face. So, this is just the assignment for now. More soon, my lovelies. I promise.

"Malfoy. Granger." Snape motioned the two students forward. The rest of the class was studying dutifully or – in Ron's case – dozing quietly. It was the last week of the year, and Snape had a headache, so he let it slide. _I must be getting soft in my old age, _he thought, watching Ron's red head droop lower on his neck. _Because I really don't give a damn if he's sleeping. Let the Muggle-lover doze. He's not going anywhere with his life anyway. _As Hermione and Draco approached his desk, his head began to throb worse in light of the ensuing complaints, so he held up a hand.

"Understand me now. There will be no arguing. There will be no complaining. You will do as you are told. All I want to hear from the two of you is 'Yes sir.' Is that understood?"

They both nodded.

"Good. The Headmaster has asked me to bestow upon you a task to be completed over the summer holidays. As you have both been informed, the two of you will represent Hogwarts as Head Boy and Girl next year. Seeing as you come from rival houses, Dumbledore thinks that this will be a golden opportunity to promote inter-house relations." He scowled a little. Inter-house cooperation was not his strong suit. In fact, he wasn't even sure it was suit he owned. But Dumbledore _was_ the Headmaster and Snape himself was nothing more than a lowly Potions teacher. He knew his place in the pecking

order. Snape could sense, rather than see, both the students before him resist the urge to roll their eyes. Granger looked like she was paying him the utmost attention but he knew her clever Mudblood mind was racing, trying to predict and prepare. Draco looked the part of the bored rich kid, obviously unconcerned and convinced that Lucius would get him out of whatever Snape was about to assign him. Little did he know.

"You parents have been informed, signed the papers, and given their permission on this particular matter, so give it up Malfoy."

Draco started a little and Snape couldn't help but let a smirk cross his face. Contrary to popular belief, he really didn't like this particular student. But Draco was a Slytherin, and therefore had Snape's loyalty in most school-related matters. But he was still a spoiled brat who needed to be taken down a notch.

"Now, the assignment is this: you will remain at Hogwarts for most of the summer to do research for an upcoming event Dumbledore has planned. As you will undoubtedly know, Muggle Studies has been added to the list of required courses, starting with next term's first years. Part of the curriculum is to implement standard Muggle school courses into the class. They will, of course, be shorted versions, but they will be there nonetheless. Your job is to research different Muggle high school courses and select six courses to be studied. You may each choose three other students to remain at school with you and aid in your research. You will be allowed to go home for two weeks before returning to visit your families and collect any belongings you wish to bring with you. Because of the nature of your research and the fact that school is not technically in session, you will be allowed to bring Muggle electronic devices and other such things with you if you wish. Also because school will not be in session, you will not be required to wear your school robes, but will remain in your respective dorms. Please have your list of people to stay in to either myself or Professor McGonagall by the end of the day." The bell rang as he finished. "That is all. You may go."

"Yes, sir," they both answered in unison. As they turned to go, they both shot Snape similar glances that mostly just read "If looks could kill…"

Snape smiled to himself and he shuffled bits of parchment. He loved when students gave him that look.

---

"Can you believe that?" Hermione dropped her bag onto the floor and plopped into a chair in front of the fire. "As if I don't get enough of Malfoy's taunts and insults during the regular school year, now I have to deal with him in the summer. _And_ I have to miss the trip I was supposed to take with my parents. Sometimes, I think Dumbledore does these things just to get a laugh. Deep down, he's evil. I swear."

Harry sat in the chair across from her and laughed a little. "I seriously doubt that, Hermione. Besides, Dumbledore's a genius. If he _was_ evil, I'm sure he could find better ways to torture his students. Besides, Ron and I will be here. Who else are you going to ask to stay?"

Hermione shrugged. "I don't know. Probably Ginny. She's smart, plus I wont have to be surrounded by a bunch of stupid boys for my whole break."

Ron rolled his eyes. "Thanks, 'Mione."

She smile beatifically and stood, picking up her bag as she did. "Anytime, Ronald," she said as she headed up the stair to the girl's dorms.

---

"Oh, Draco, that's horrible. Stuck in this damnable castle all summer with a Mudblood and her pitiful friends." Blaise chuckled. "Have fun with that."

"Piss off, Zambini. You're staying with me." Draco looked pointedly at Pansy and Millicent. "So are you two."

"Oh, not keeping your thugs with you, Malfoy?" Pansy asked, jerking her head toward where Crabbe and Goyle were playing Exploding Snap. Draco rolled his eyes.

"Please. They make good bodyguards, but they're dim as stones. At least there's a semi-functioning brain between the three of you."

"Oh, thanks. That _really_ makes me want to stay and help." Millicent lobbed a book at his head but he dodged it with the easy grace his pureblood heritage had granted him.

"I'm going to bed," he said, and swept off to his dorm.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all related characters belong to the great and glorious JK Rowling. Not to me.

Author's Note: Okay, just a few clarifiers: I originally wrote this between GoF and OotP. And that's how it's going to stay because I'm far too lazy to really vamp it up that much. So, it is not compatible with the 5th or 6th book. Get over it. Also, I (for the most part) don't write smut (**Hey Little Sister** being the exception), so don't expect it. It might be _implied_ later on, but you won't actually get any of the action, so get over it.

That being said, I welcome any and all comments, suggestions or criticisms, just don't be too harsh. I love reader input, so feel free but don't leave me comments like "this sucks" or "you're an awful writer." Tell me _why_ it sucks or _why_ I'm an awful writer. Cool?

Anyway…on with the story!

---

Hermione was quiet on the ride home from King's Cross, which her parent's found odd. Usually she was just bursting with news of her test scores and what kinds of hi-jinks she and her friends had gotten up to. Her parent's figured she was upset about the fact that she had to miss their trip to Ireland to see her grandfather. She _was_ upset about the trip, but her mind was otherwise occupied.

_Two and a half months working with Malfoy,_ she thought. _How am I to get anything done? Obviously, he's smart or he wouldn't have made Head Boy. But still, he's an annoying prat, not to mention completely full of himself. Although, I suppose Lavender and Parvati have a point. He _is_ good-looking. But he's still a prat. Blast it! Damn you, Dumbledore!_

She muttered this last bit aloud as she heaved her trunk from the car, but didn't notice the odd look her parents gave her. She was too busy mentally compiling a list of things to take with her. Her laptop, for one. She had already spoken to Dumbledore about it, and he assured her he would find a way to get the school hooked up to the internet. She figured that the school library alone wouldn't have enough information on Muggle schools, and she thought the internet would help. She would also be taking a radio, but that had nothing to do with research. That was purely for entertainment value. Other than that, all she really needed were some clothes and a few books. She could be packed by the next morning.

And she was. But because she had nothing better to do, she spent the rest of the two weeks she was at home finishing up homework assignments and unpacking and repacking her trunk. By the time she left for King's Cross two weeks later, she had everything she need neatly stuffed in the trunk and a small backpack and was ready to go. The Hogwarts Express was set to leave at ten thirty on a Sunday morning to take them back to school. She stepped onto Platform 9 ¾ at exactly ten and saw the entire Weasley family gathered to say good-bye to Ron and Ginny. Harry was with them. As she headed over, she noticed Blaise Zambini and Pansy Parkinson chatting together some ten feet away. Malfoy has not arrived, and Hermione wondered idly who else he had asked to come.

"All right, Hermione?" Mrs. Weasley have her a big hug and pushed a brown-wrapped package into her hand. "Just a little something to tide you over, dear."

Hermione smiled and noticed a similar package in Harry's hand. "Thanks, Mrs. Weasley."

"I wonder whether Filch will be there over the summer?" Fred mused, looking wistful. "Imagine all the things you could do with that castle so empty. I mean, I imagine that not _all_ the teachers will be there…." He stared off into the distance, apparently plotting Filch's demise.

Hermione smiled and rolled her eyes a bit. The twins were amusing, but she thought that some of the things they got up to were frankly appalling. Ron nudged her elbow.

"I wonder why Malfoy got Parkinson to stay? I mean, she can't be overly bright, can she?"

"Oh, I suspect he probably needs someone to shag in the Astronomy tower when the rest of us are holed up in the library working," Harry commented. Hermione slapped his arm.

"That's disgusting Harry. The mental image alone is enough to put me off my diner for the rest of the summer." She tossed her hair over her shoulder and sniffed. "Besides," she went on imperiously, "I plan to see to it that Malfoy actually holds up his end of the research. To hell with Parkinson."

"My, my, Granger. Someone sure sounds full of herself. And just _how_ do you plan on seeing to it that I work? Shackle me to a library table? Because, you know, that could prove interesting." Draco wandered idly past her, winking as he did. She pulled a face at him.

"Eat dung, Malfoy," she suggested sweetly.

"Goodness, Granger. Who knew you were such a kinky thing. But I think I'll have to pass. Mudbloods really aren't my style."

---

Draco swept past the Mudblood and her friends, joining Blaise and Pansy, Millicent not far behind.

"Hitting on the the Mudblood now, are we Malfoy? Getting desperate?" Pansy smirked at him.

"Sod off, Parkinson. Just because I won't lower my standards to the likes of you –" He was cut off by the train whistle blowing. He just shot her a dirty look and boarded, dragging his trunk behind him. He chose a compartment to himself and heaved his trunk onto the luggage rack. He was in no mood to deal with anyone this morning. He had just two weeks arguing with his father, who insisted that there was nothing he could to for him.

"They have me backed into a corner, Draco. If I refuse to let you stay, then Dumbledore will make Potter Head Boy and I could not live with the shame. Imagine, a Malfoy being bested but the Boy Who Lived." He stopped and considered this a moment. "Although you seem to have a penchant for failing when up against Potter, don't you Draco?"

He raised his eyebrows; referring to the Quidditch matches Slytherin had lost to Gryffindor. Draco has said nothing, only marched himself off to his room. He knew better than to talk back to his father. He had seen the things Lucius could do.

Not that it mattered. This would be his final year at Hogwarts, after that he was free to do as he pleased. Free of his father and all the demands that came along with him, free from all of Lucius's "Hail the Dark Lord" nonsense, and free from his idiotic mother tormenting him about his manners. "Sit up straight." "Don't put your elbows on the table." And so on and so forth. Why couldn't they just let him be?

He sunk down in a seat and took out a book. _Blast it. Damn you, Dumbledore!_

---


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own the HP characters. Other things I do not own: Brad Pitt's sexy booty, the rights to any/all of the Beatles songs and the Fight Club DVD.

Author's note: Holy crap. This one took me forever to get out. And it's not even that long. Leave me notes! Any and all flames will be used to light cigarettes, so bring it on.

---

Hermione relaxed on her bed in the Gryffindor girl's room. She still had an hour before lunch, and not a lot to do. She knew she should get started on the project, but she also knew she had two and a half months to do it, which – for her – was more than enough time. She could start tomorrow, she supposed. Perhaps she would take a walk, say hello to the giant squid and see if Hagrid was around.

Since Harry and Ron were nowhere to be found, she had Ginny accompany her on her walk.

"So, Hermione. You must have loads of ideas for research," Ginny said, munching on a bag of Bertie Bott's, occasionally tossing one or two (or a handful) to the squid.

Hermione nodded. "I'm really not sure what Muggle _high_ school courses are like exactly. I never went, obviously. But I have the basic idea. I think that things like math and such are pretty much out of the question. They really don't let you know what Muggle life is really like. But things like Home Ec might be good." She plopped down in the grass and stretched out. She felt a bit odd, stretched out on the grass by the lake in jeans and a tee shirt instead of her robes, but found it comfortable.

"What's Home Ec?" Ginny asked and Hermione laughed.

"Home Economics. They teach you how to cook, sew, take care of babies and balance your checkbook. It's all very domestic, Martha-Stewart-type stuff. Ridiculous, really, since it's geared toward girls. I mean, just because I don't have a penis doesn't mean that I am doomed to spend my life running after squawking children," she finished in huff.

Ginny was just about to ask what a checkbook was, when a shadow fell over them.

"Actually, Granger, it does. Although who in their right mind would procreate with you is beyond me. Perhaps you should talk to Weasley, the Wandless Wonder. I mean, look at his parents. Proper baby-making machines, those."

"See here, Malfoy. One more word and it's in the lake with you. You can insult the squid all you want." Ginny stood up, fists clenched. Hermione jumped up and grabbed the other girl's wrist.

"Come on, Gin," she said, dragging Ginny toward Hagrid's. "You don't need to waste your anger on the likes of Malfoy."

And they made their way across the grounds, Hermione glanced back at Draco with a look that was really more like a knife sliding between his ribs. He smirked and sat down, his back against a tree. He loved being a prick. He was so good at it.

---

"Draco, what _are _you doing?" Blaise leaned in the doorway of the boy's bathroom, watching Draco plaster his hair to his head.

"Grooming, Zambini. You might want to try it." Draco turned back to the mirror, pushing an errant strand of hair back into its place. Blaise shook his head and wandered away. Draco smirked at himself in the mirror. He really was good-looking, if he did say so himself.

And he did.

A lot.

Draco glanced out the window and saw Hermione and Ginny making their way back to the castle for lunch, that oaf Hagrid lumbering in their wake. He growled. He was still sore about Granger suggesting he wouldn't keep up with her during the research. Draco huffed. He'd show that filthy Mudblood._ In fact, _he thought, _I think I will skip lunch and get started early._

His mind made up, Draco headed to the kitchens, grabbed a sandwich, and headed to the library. Once there, however, he wasn't sure where to start, so he asked Madame Pince if she had extra copies of the standard Muggle Studies book. He knew that this would be the main text used in the course and figured he should get acquainted with it. Draco seated himself at a table and began to read, occasionally jotting down things he might find useful.

The more Draco read, the more he was totally fascinated. How could millions of people get along for millions of years without magic? It was astounding, and he eventually stopped taking notes, he was so engrossed in the book. He was so engrossed, in fact, that he didn't even notice when the library door opened and Hermione sat down across from him. She sat for a moment, waiting for him to insult her. When he didn't even look up, she reached over and snatched the book from him.

"Malfoy, what are you doing?"

"Reading, Granger. You're not the only one who knows how, you know," he retorted and grabbed the book back. "Oh, great. Now I've lost my spot. You are really intolerable, you know that?" Draco scowled at the girl across from him.

"Oh, please Malfoy. Like you tolerate anything that doesn't cater to your exact preferences." She rolled her eyes at him and set a black bag on the table. "You know, Malfoy, that book is totally useless to us. It will still be used in the class, so it's not like we're going to get anything new out of it," she told him as she unzipped the bag and pulled what looked to Draco like a shiny silver book out of it. He watched intently as she opened it and moved her hands around behind it.

"Oh, Granger," he drawled is his most charming tone, "What is that?"

She looked up, startled, and just stared at him for a moment before clapping a hand to her forehead.

"Of course you don't know. What was I thinking?" She turned the book around so that it was facing him. He realized that it was not, in fact, a book. The part that stood up looked like a picture frame, and the bottom part had a bunch of buttons on it.

"It's a computer. It's like a book, only…better." She stopped, floundering. How was she supposed to explain a laptop to someone who didn't even know what electricity was? "It stores information, finds information…um…you can communicate with other people with it, or make pages that other people can see. It's complicated. Come here, and I'll sow you." She motioned him over to her side of the table and, after a moment's hesitation, he got up. As he took the seat next to her, Hermione started fiddling with the buttons and moving her finger around on a little grey square. Draco watched, fascinated, as a little arrow on the picture part moved in sync with her finger. Hermione chattered away at him about something called the Internet as she moved the arrow around. She put it over a certain picture and a box popped up. He watched, not hearing a word she said, as she began to push buttons and on the picture, the corresponding letters appeared.

"Granger," he breathed, "Are you sure this isn't magic? Because this is simply amazing." He looked up at her in wide-eyed wonder and she laughed. Draco frowned.

"Stop laughing at me, Granger, and do more magic." He motioned at the computer and she laughed again, but obliged and wound up spending the rest of the afternoon teaching none other than Draco Malfoy how to operate a laptop. By dinnertime, he was very good at it and was very pleased with himself. As she packed up the laptop, she watched Draco out of the corner of her eye, picking up his parchment and quill and stuffing them in his bag.

"What are you looking at, Granger?" he snapped and she jumped.

"Nothing, Malfoy. I was just thinking that maybe you are a human being after all. You haven't made a single snide remark about me in the last two hours." She threw the strap for the computer case over her shoulder and stood up.

"Really, Granger, don't flatter yourself. I was simply pursuing further knowledge. There are more important things than getting on your nerves. You are incredibly self-centered, you know." With that, Draco swept out of the library, leaving Hermione seething in the library.

---


End file.
